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  • 作文大全網提供《媽娘母的故事》
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    媽娘母的故事

    文章作者:作文大全網 | 時間:2018-06-23 11:27:55 | 來源:作文大全網

    ▼點擊音頻,聆聽美文

    中國人有句俗話:“三個女人一臺戲”。意思是說,三個女人在一起,就能演出一臺好戲;比喻女人愛熱鬧、表演好看、話多好聽。

    一天,有三個女人就誰是祖,誰真、誰假、誰非問題,爭論不休起來。

    娘說“我是祖,為何人怕罵‘后娘養的’?因為先娘是祖,才不敢罵。”媽說“我是祖,沒聽說過‘媽祖’的人,那才叫無知。”

    母說“你們知道誰叫‘祖母’嗎?聽說過‘祖娘、祖媽’嗎?”

    娘說“你祖母的媽,是不是叫‘娘’啊?”

    媽說“孩他娘的奶媽,難道叫‘后娘’?”

    母說“我奶奶的奶奶叫先祖先宗。”娘不服氣說“抽鉤,誰抽到歸誰。”

    于是,三人拉鉤道“拉鉤、拉鉤、拉拉鉤,誰返悔,誰是小母豬。”

    用你、我、他分別代表“我是祖,你是假祖,他是非祖。”

    媽問:“什么是非祖?”母答:“不是祖、不是我、不是你、不是人;”

    娘說:“那你呢?你是什么東西?”母說“你是假祖、假我、假他、假人;”

    媽又問:“那我是什么玩藝?”母答:“我是真祖、真你、真他、真人。”大家誰都想抽到我,怕抽到你,更怕抽到他。于是,三人開始祈禱上帝保佑自己。

    上帝接到請求信息,十分為難,心想“給誰好呢?”真主見聞上帝如此為難,便安慰道“這有何難,你讓他們求我好了。”上帝一聽謝道:“大好了,”馬上讓三個女人改求真主說:“你們太無知了,連求什么,得什么都不懂,求我是當上帝,求真主才是真祖。”三人女人一聽上帝的話,異口同聲道“英明的上帝啊,您太有才了。”抽鉤結果,母得我、娘得你、媽得他。

    媽尖叫一聲“他娘的,真不公平;”娘說:“你他媽的也只是個假人;”

    母說:“我是真祖母。”媽和娘異口同聲道“啊?我成了曾祖母,差輩啦。”真主和上帝聽后,都笑得合不籠嘴。誰知媽說:“人祖說‘好事成雙’,一回不算數,要抽二次。”娘道:“對呀,一回生,二回熟;”母說:“一錘定音,不許耍賴;”“二比一,少數服從多數。”母沒法只好答應重新抽勾。

    結果,母非、娘假、媽真。媽高興的跳起來“媽祖,才是真人真我真祖;”母不干了說:“不行,祖母不是人,連下一代都不是人,沒道理;”娘說:“倒霉,又是假人;看來沒戲了。”

    “不”母說:“佛祖說過‘不二法門’,就是不能‘二’;事不過三,要抽三次才算數。”娘說:“太對了,老子說‘三生萬物’,中國俗話‘三即多’,三軍統帥、三足鼎立、三人成眾,三好學生、三位一體,理由充分,必須再抽。”媽也找來理由:“三教九流、三天兩頭、三心二意、三長兩短、三番五次、三從四德、三言兩語,看!沒一個好東西;沒一個比二好。”

    母說:“這次對天發誓,誰也不許耍賴,機會均等,每人輪流了一次,狗屎也認了。”娘說:“同意。”媽沒折,只好同意。三人又手拉手“拉鉤、拉鉤、誰返悔,誰,臭、狗、屎!”之后,各自又暗中祈禱。

    媽求媽祖保佑,母求佛祖保佑,娘求真主保佑;誰都不肯先抽鉤,僵持起來。誰知,這時天上開始亂套了;真主、媽祖、佛祖三人召開緊緊會議商議對策。

    真主說:“這可怎辦呀?娘已經二次假人了,再受打擊恐怕沒信心了。”

    媽祖說:“媽也好不到哪去,一驚一喜,性情急躁,搞不好要打起來;”

    佛祖說:“母一喜一悲,又那么厚道柔弱,弄不好恐怕不是吵鬧,而是折騰出人命來了。”“那怎么辦啦?”三位全沒了主意。“請上帝來想想辦法?”真主說;“上帝第一次都急壞了,就別煩他了;”媽祖道;“要不請地球老娘來?她的孩子,她不管誰管?”佛祖建議。大伙一聽都同意。

    地球老娘被緊急召來。聽完原委,地球為難道:“這比天大的事,至少要天來管才行;”真主說:“比天大的,是自然和宇宙;”媽祖說:“恐怕宇宙官職也小了;”佛祖說:“干脆,請虛空老爺算了。”

    地球說:“不如開個全會,把所有屬主、祖、拄、、渚、囑、褚、詛、組、阻、俎的,叫來一鍋煮。”

    大家都逗笑樂了,哈哈哈哈,“還是地球有智慧”,佛祖夸道。

    于是,用天書緊緊發布,普天通告、公告、電子廣告,某年某月某日某時某分某秒,全體凡有與“主”高、中、低級職稱相關者,有議會、國會、議員當選資格者,有國營、私營、企事業單位,大中小各類公司,各行各業、各界會員資格者,有任何頭銜董事長、董事會、理事長、理事會、部落首領、好娃娃幼兒園長等,任何平民百姓、自由人、自然人、只要是動物都可列席;皆來天庭開大會,討論通過有史以來,天下最最重要、重大、重點的大事業、大問題。

    一時, 天上、天中、天下熱鬧非凡,到處生機勃勃、生意盎然、生龍活虎、美好景象。閻王悄悄問佛祖:“這天上、天中、天下的好事,怎就沒咱地下的事呀?”“你也想湊熱鬧?”佛祖笑容可掬反問道;“都寂寞億萬萬年了,鬼才不想熱鬧呢。”“那好吧,在天書通告上加地上、地中、地下,夠了吧?”

    閻王說:“謝謝佛祖”。龍王聽說有這等好事,趕忙請媽祖也在天書通告上加水面、水中、水下一切魚龍混雜、浮游生物等。

    靈魂也立即請先祖烈宗將所有過去、現在、未來已死、將死、待死的人全部寫入天書通告。

    大家奔走相告,整個虛空前無古人、前所未有、后無來者,真正活躍了起來。虛空被吵醒了,問“又咋啦?鬧哄哄的。”心念說“您老不知?有三個女人要表演藝術戲,抽鉤決定誰是祖;開天庭大會,請您主持公道。”

    “什么?有這等事?”虛空驚訝道。話說三個女人還在相持階段,聽說天庭要演戲,免費邀請所有人觀看,決定先前往,后抽鉤。

    屆時,黑壓壓的會場一望無邊,只聽佛祖、真主、媽祖異口同聲宣布:

    現在開始抽鉤大戲,表演者媽娘母,大家歡迎。掌聲響徹云霄,振破天穹,嚇死眾多鳥獸。有一小鬼在哭狼嚎,神問“小鬼,哭啥?”小鬼說“這么熱鬧的好事,咋就沒咱的份?”神說“你自己去嘛,”“哪敢呀,閻王不讓;”

    神問閻王“為何不讓小鬼看戲?”“沒有呀,誰都可來呀?”

    小鬼說“您不說,只有鬼才不想熱鬧嗎?”閻王說“哦,那是口頭禪,這小鬼。聽話光會聽字,不會聽音。來吧!”戲開始了。

    結果,娘我真人、媽你假我、母他非人我。

    娘高興發表獲獎感言:“聽著,天大地大不如人大,母親媽親不如娘親,河深海深不如情深,你真他真不如我真。”掌聲雷動。

    媽發表悲痛宣言:“我好他好不如你好,有錢沒錢同樣可憐,官大民大不如屁大,說來話去你媽真假。”

    場內有哭泣不成聲。母為自己當初誓言有點后悔,可又不能返悔,悄悄問小鬼有沒有“鬼點子”。小鬼道“這有何難,是非不分就得了。”

    母一聽有道理,就上臺發表激情演說:“天下沒有后悔藥,是非不分才是道,你我他原本一體,哪來真假與非禮?”觀眾象炸開了鍋,議論紛紛,有贊成、有反對,說好言壞、什么都有。娘一聽“什么?耍賴?臭狗屎!”媽說“反正你不也是真的,我和他打起來才好看。”母說“要打架?也不瞧睢誰的胳膊細、拳頭大?試試看,反正你媽是假人,他母親不是人。”

    三個女人扭打在了一起。

    心念實在看不下去了,請虛空老爺上臺講話,虛空輕輕說:“寂靜!”突然,全場鴉雀無聲;有根針落到地上,咣當,聲如巨雷;誰也不敢放個屁。因為誰都知道,虛空老爺要真(針)生氣,那可是大家的末日降臨了;誰也逃不掉永遠寂寞的懲罰。虛空接著溫柔的問“誰知何響?”小鬼膽特大答“是一根針掉在地上響。”虛空說“沒問小鬼,問娘媽母。”三人齊聲答“針。”虛空說:“散會。”心念不解問“何意?”虛空道“寂靜響,真落空。”

    心念悟道:難怪過去、今天、未來有你、我、他與真、假、非對應,原來是輪流坐東,你方唱罷我登臺;我尚未了他上來;是非從來無非是,真假非真非假真。會后,從此宇宙中、自然里、地球上、人世間,到處津津樂道傳說這故事,卻不解意。有人想知其中道理問心念老母,釋之:針者,真也、爭也,甄也,睜也,猙也,蒸也;針落空,是說,爭來爭去,真的是空。

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